flight vs. fight 04/20/10

Before I explain my title, I must say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my mom!
I know we butt heads and have our differences..but you are one of the MOST IMPORTANT people in my Life! I wake up daily, and try my best, to make sure that no matter what I am doing, I make you proud!


Okay..back to my title.... today, I had to sit down and FACE REALITY head-on. My classes, my studying, my online tutorials and being ACCOUNTABLE to my instructors! WOW! It was TOUGH. I had to come face to face with my OWN inner demons and allow myself to really dig deep. I AM.SOOOO.CLOSE to fulfilling one of my MANY dreams and goals. SO-CLOSE. That I ABSOLUTELY without a doubt, REFUSE to go down without a fight. There is where our survival instincts come into play. Do we allow ourselves to be beaten, or do we fight to the end?? I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. I am doing this for ME, for my family; and for anyone who EVER doubted me. I want to make my husband and sons proud; my mom and stepdad; my sisters; my grandparents. I want to live up to the expectations that I pose onto myself. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. I am ONE semester away from engaging 110% into what I feel is truly my "destiny". (as lame as that sounds! LOL).

 In this short while, well in 2010 so far. I have PROVED to myself SO SO much! -That I can run. YES! that I can call myself A RUNNER.
 -That overcoming self-imposed mental barriers- is 100% achievable.
-That NOTHING is impossible. Seriously....all it really takes is the unending determination and knowing that you are unstoppable.

 I have pushed past many obstacles, and I know that I can do this. It's a struggle-daily. I am not kidding. I still have yet to find the "Balance" that I seem to be vying for. The balance of school, motherhood, marriage, homelife, family, studying, etc. But everyday is worth it. It's worth it, to know that I'm one SMALL step closer to my goals. I no longer am searching for this "balance" because I seem to be managing just fine. Those days that seem daunting and unmanagable? I just look at my boys and when they smile back at me; I forget the "bigger issues"..and just focus on the now! (IF that didnt win me over-always does), then hitting the gym and pushing hard past my physical barriers does!

Not everyday is a "yay!!! butterflies and rainbows" day. TRUST ME. But this is where my better half enters the picture. My eternal beloved...(always wanted to use that as a reference for douglas! LoL). He keeps me SO grounded. He is truly my rock. He brings so much stability and strength to our family. I would not have chosen any other man to walk with me in Life. I am grateful every single day that we spend together. He allows me to be me; he has never tried to change who I am. I love that he is my biggest supporter!

Okay...im all high on life...or wait, it was the coffee...ughh! doug made coffee at 10pm tonight, because he's hitting the books hard! his last week of exams until September.....good stuff hubs!!! As for me, I stupidly accepted a cup of joe, so he wouldnt feel so alone..LOL..now I'm all hopped up....okay..off to bed..or most likely facebook!!! LoL....ciao!