will not apologize AGAIN

For my lack of blog updates! LOL
 I was telling my sister the other day, that I sit down, start typing out a new entry into my dearest blog; then just end up "saving it" or deleting it. I want my entries to be meaningful, and to have purpose. But who am I kidding, this is for me to rant, to rave, to vent, to bitch, to share, to bullshit, and all that other good stuff! LOL

 I HAVE TO ADMIT this, before the year is over. I had a library membership with our local library, anddddd.... forgot to return books that I checked out when I was pregnant with my little Reece. Anyway fast forward to two months ago; when the library sends me a letter stating I owe $370 in book fees!!! OMG YIKES!!!! Needless to say, I never paid it (-_-)

Anyway...opened a new membership under the Hubby's name, and you cannot believe how EXCITED I was, to just be in the library again! There isn't a better feeling (aside from family,kids,etc) than being surrounded by books, books and more books! I just love to browse. I checked out 7 books yesterday evening, and am already done two of them. I KID YOU NOT! I am such a bookworm, that when a good book catches my attention, I refuse to put it down (without neglecting my boys and my home LOL). This last book I read, WOW!!! Literally had me in tears a few times.. It's one of those books that just melts you, and every so often, I just wanted to go to my sons and hug them and NEVER let them go! (meanwhile they're sound asleep, and waking them would not be a smart idea LOL). Anyway, its by a lady: Dana Canedy, and its a memoir of her late fiance' Charles; who was a US Army First Sergeant and had written a journal to their newborn son. Trust me when I say, READ THIS BOOK! It's just THAT great!

 Christmas is exact 14 days away; and I am stressed to the max. Excited, because my older boys are getting bigger and able to understand a bit of the Holiday, and because its our baby boy's FIRST Christmas. Stressed though, because we have to try be in a few places at once. Christmas Eve, here in our home, with my in-laws. Christmas morning, wake up, open presents, and try NOT to rush our boys, so we can make the 5 hour trek up North. (it's usually a 3-4 hour drive, but with three boys 4 and under, it'll take abit longer LOL). Hope to make it in time for the Christmas dinner at my mosom and kokom's house. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited, but feel so.... jipped that we have to be driving on Christmas. But its what we do, we all make sacrifices right? I've honestly debated over and over, and have turned to Doug many times as to whether or not we should go or just stay back; and he's always supportive of what I want to do. Reece will be eleven months old when Christmas comes, and there's just NO WAY my maternal family can't not meet him before his first birthday. I know that I must look like a neglectful and rude daughter/neice/sister/etc. for having been away from home for so long, (and I've made excuses a few times) but deep down, I was and AM scared to travel on the QE2 with three kids by myself. And that's what it always came down too, me having to go by myself. I used to be so carefree and fearless, but being a mother and knowing that my decisions regardless of what they are, affect my children. Anyway, now that Doug FINALLY has some time off from school, I don't have to have that scared/worried feeling in the pit of my stomach due to the fear of having to do the trip on my own! Back to the driving on Christmas issue; I can admit this. On Dryden's first Christmas, we left home and drove to my mom's and I dont think we got there until 4am that morning. But it was one of the most greatest times of my Life. If I could describe exactly how I felt about it, then you would wish you were there in the moment. It was the most calm, serene time ever. NO ONE was out, the roads were so bright and clear, and for the oddest reason, it was one of the safest feelings I ever felt. Knowing that the World was alllll around us, but soundly asleep; Doug driving, our baby boy asleep in his seat; and me, just content! I don't know what to expect this Christmas, but I do know that it will be just as great. Because it'll be us-the five of us; and driving or not, as long as we're together, thats all that matters. And now I'm all giddy because I simply cannot wait to be in the company of my family! I love that my boys know their Hobbema family, their Wildcat family, and they get so excited when I tell them that we're going to see Kahkoo, mosom, nanny, gapees, uncle mark, and "jump-on" -aka- chapon, and kokom! =)

 Okay..off to read abit more before I have to force myself to sleep. I need to get an early start tomorrow, because its December and any mom who receives family allowance knows that it comes early! LOL =)

 I do sincerely hope to write afew more entries before Christmas, so just look out for me! lol g'nite!