no end in sight...

I am behind...as usual.

I have not posted about my little Dom's birthday or his VERY first day of school (K5).
I am SO behind on my organizing and feel like this clutter is going to drive me insane.

I also am eating my own words right now, that yes-everything does happen for a reason. But I will not continue to lead this path. I will stand my ground and do what I can to "right" my wrongs, and work harder on the one most important person here- me.

I have never wanted to be selfish, which is why I ALWAYS put others first. I am a people pleaser, and for some insane reason- I feel the need to always be well presented. (as I'm sure others feel that way too).
Regardless of the above, I need to start at the very beginning. I need to get back to walking the path that I worked so hard for. I could not do this without the unending support of my mother and my spouse. The two people who have NEVER given up on me. Who remind me that I am worthy of SO much. I need to allow myself to accept that and too fully understand that-in time I hope too. I sincerely do.

I also know, if I do not stop "searching", it will only continue to add fuel to my self-debilitating ways. In my position however, the miles and distance are not of sufficient help.

I've been hurt throughout my life, as well as inflicted hurt and pain on others. I want so badly to tell those who mean SO much to me, that I am sorry. I truly am. There are afew relationships that I long to repair, but feel the conflicted individuals will not see my apology.

God is great. Our Creator is so powerful; and I know that as long as I put my trust and faith in Him, I will be okay. =)